I already wrote a report covering my Glasgow 2024 experience. In short, I found the convention superb but mine is a very subjective opinion. In the report I promised to cover one more topic – how it was to run a Worldcon. This is not a trivial question but here I try to answer it.
Something New
I am not new to conrunning. I helped a bit at my first convention in March 2002 and in September that year I was already running an event. It took me some more time to become a chair for the first time but it was also already 20 years ago (July 2004). There are plenty of people with way longer and more substantial conrunning experience but by no means I can consider myself a newbie.
Having said that becoming a Concom member for Worldcon was a totally new experience to me. So far, at Worldcons, I was mainly gophering or taking some smaller staff roles. The most I did was becoming Area Head for Polish Programme track at Chicon 8. Yet this was way smaller and completely different responsibility. So what was the difference?
My staff badge with the first (and in fact only) ribbon that I attached.
Easy answer would be that it was in the number of tasks. Yet this is oversimplification. The list of things to do was huge but it was just part of the difference. Another two were timescale and the pressure I felt. And I don’t mean the pressure coming from within the organization. I am glad that from the very beginning Esther was making sure we shouldn’t be overworking ourselves. I did it all to myself. It was my projection of what fandom may be expecting from me. I was constantly thinking whether I am doing the things “good enough for Worldcon”. This of course made no sense, and I knew it but somehow I was still putting the pressure of my own shoulders.
Worldcon Is a Long Con
Most of the conventions I worked on had a short timescale. Usually, it was no more than a year. Even when I was involved with the con for a longer period of time (like when I chaired or co-chaired DOJIcons between 2004 and 2008) any single convention was a year max. Glasgow 2024 was a project on which I was working for four years.
During the con I wear the Committee medal attached to the lanyard.
At first, I was a staff member and I moved to committee later but nevertheless it was a journey that lasted for four years. And this makes a difference. When running a con usually the convention itself is an extremely rewarding experience. After spending months of work one can see the end result. Of course, if members are enjoying themselves then conrunner feels fulfilled. Worldcon is more complicated. One is not receiving this gratification after six or ten months. It may take years. As stated for me it was four years, for others it was longer – even much longer than that. I think this makes the experience more difficult. I know this depends on individual approach but for me it played a role.
That doesn’t mean that running a Worldcon is not rewarding prior to the convention. There were plenty of moments that brought me joy. Well the work itself was often very rewarding. One of the “big moments” was switch from bidding to being a seated Worldcon. We were the only bid for 2024 so the chances of becoming a seated convention were rather high. Still the moment when Site Selection results were in was very happy and I was anxious beforehand. I can only try imagining how hard it must be to lose the bidding. Other rewarding moments included learning about superb ideas of other members of the team, seeing new art being provided to us, meeting friends (online and at cons), talking to fans who were enthusiastic about joining Glasgow 2024, and many more! So those were not only difficult years – they were full of joyous and rewarding moments. Still the crowning of the work was for most time far away in the future.
A set of MIMO wristbands I collected for Promotions Division on Tuesday morning.
‘Friends Don’t Let Friends Run Worldcons’
The title of this section is not my phrase. It is a saying that circles around fandom for quite some time. I don’t know who coined it first and when. Despite using it, I think that it needs commenting or even debunking. So is it false? Yes, and no. There is no good answer to that.
I would lie should I tell that I didn’t consider those words in last few years. Every time when I got frustrated and tired I was promising myself that it is the last time I am in a Worldcon Concom. Yes, there moments when I was dreaming about 13th of August when the convention would be over. The scale of Worldcon, the pressure I was putting on my shoulders, the amount of work and so on made it all a difficult experience. From this point of view, it is true that ‘Friends Don’t Let Friends Run Worldcons’.
Selfie I took during MIMO on Tuesday. As you can see I was happy to be there.
At the same time, it was a magical time. I absolutely do not regret the fact that I decided to join the team. Running Worldcon was a very rewarding experience. As I said – the “big moment” comes with a delay. It takes years to see everything in motion but there are other moments of joy on the way. Over the course of my four years in the team I got new friends. I cannot imagine doing this with a better team. And it was not only about work. I felt support in the topics completely not related to conrunning. The bonds coming from years of working together on a difficult project are strong. Even stronger because we all did it for fun and we had the option to step back should we need to.
So yes being in a team was a great experience. And seeing the Worldcon done was an important and joyous thing for me. And from that angle the phrase from the title of this section is false.
What would be more of a truth is “Friends Don’t Let Friends Run Worldcons Without Friends”. I don’t think I would be able to cope with all the work and pressure should I not trust the whole team. I don’t think I would do it should I not like the people around me. It certainly is not a journey to walk alone. Even less to walk with strangers. Yet going on this expedition with friends may be a wonderful idea. And I am happy that it became such thing for me.
To my surprise Esther had gifts for members of the Concom. It was very moving to get it. Amazing surprise and something that will keep reminding me about Glasgow 2024.
Fighting my Impostor
So, one of the things that were hard for me was lack of faith in my own competences. It may sound silly but up to the end I felt that I don’t deserve my role. I remember a call I had with Meg and Matt when they proposed me to become DDH. I was Area Head at that time and when we scheduled the call I was sure they wanted to tell me that I did not manage to cover what I should. Well lack of self-confidence is a tricky thing.
But I am not writing this to complain. Instead, I want to show how much support I received in this regard. I am not sure whether others knew how much I felt as impostor. But for sure the team made everything to show me that they appreciate my work. I got my confidence boosted many times over those years. And I feel those were all genuine things. I know that I will still be battling the impostor, but the words and actions of last few years will be helping in that.
Joining the team was also an opportunity for growth. I am extremely grateful and happy that others saw a potential I didn’t see and helped me to step further. For sure after those four years I gained confidence and experience. And none of the tasks that were put on my shoulders were too heavy. Yes, those were challenging years but those were all challenges I was able to face alone or with the support from the team.
Seeing The Job Done
How well Glasgow 2024 went is influencing my judgement. Probably should I not be happy at the con I would be looking at the whole journey differently. Should I hear constant complaints it would influence my perception of the situation. Yet in the given circumstances I can be happy about being part of this team.
I don’t want to write everything was perfect and superb. There were difficult moments. There were things that I would be happy to see differently. And of course I would change some of the things I did. But this is true for every undertaking in my life. I suppose it is also the same for others. So, what I am saying is that overall I was very happy with how we worked together and how it all went.
The gift from Esther contained also this little fella
Having seen how Worldcon is being made definitely enriched my experience. It was a very important lesson in conrunning. A difficult but valuable one. I can only thank Meg and Matt, and also everyone else in the Committee that they invited me to go with them for this journey
Do I want to repeat this? I don’t know. Of course I am tempted! Being part of Worldcon was awesome. Continuing the tradition, making one of the most important conventions in a year (at least to me) was rewarding. Yet it was also a hard and at times frustrating work. I cannot imagine jumping now to a Concom of the next seated Worldcon. Yet in some time? It may be a good idea.
I am certain that I want to help with Dublin 2029. Of course this is not only my decision. For now, I am not sure what role exactly I would like to take. It may be something small but possibly also a bigger one. This is a thing of the future. For now, I need to rest a bit. We will see for how long though.
Now – a few weeks after the con I feel energized and inspired. There are a few things that I want to do. Some of them I was postponing till “it will be finished” others are new. Definitely the experience taught me a lot and also made me want to develop in some new areas.
My next post will treat about Krakowo Budowo convention and should appear within next 10 days.